They say 50 is the new 30. Really, marketers?

by Melinda Folse News The Smart Woman's Guide to Midlife Horses

Midlife Horses_FRONT COVER_LORES — by Melinda Folse (formerly Melinda Folse Kaitcer)

They say 50 is the new 30. Really, marketers? And if that’s true, I ask you, did “they” (whoever “they” are) also re-designate our midlife birthday?

With all this “50 is the new 30” stuff flying around (and really annoying some of us), it has really set me to thinking. Last year, as I began work on my soon to be released book, The Smart Woman’s Guide to Midlife horses: Finding Meaning Magic and Mastery in the Second Half of Life, (Trafalgar Square Books, 2011), I wondered how you know when you’re at midlife. After a lot of research and mulling over this rather complicated topic, I have your answer.

It turns out that rather than a specific, measurable amount of firepower on your birthday cake, the exact threshold of this epic period of transition is really as individual as we are — and, because it is often triggered by certain life events, large and small, it seems to be different for everyone.

If you’re wondering whether you’re “there yet,” take my quiz and see if your “certain age” has arrived.

Have you recently:

1. Purchased your first pair of reading glasses? Then, finding your “number,” gone back to purchase them in bulk?

2. Plucked a dark and unruly chin hair? More than one? More frequently?

3. Waved goodbye to a child leaving for college?

4. Waved goodbye to a marriage that just couldn’t go the distance? (Flipped off a soon-to-be ex-husband leaving for his younger new girlfriend?)

5. Discovered that much of the knowledge you’ve spent your career accumulating is now obsolete?

6. Launched an adult child to true independence — a career and/or family of his/her own?

7. Witnessed the declining health of your parents? Watched them “downsizing” and realizing for the first time why.

8. Sorted through old photographs and memorabilia, wondering what happened to all those dreams, goals, plans, and things you always thought you’d do . . . “someday?”

9. Attempted to do something physically you used to do easily and found it strangely foreign and difficult?

10. Had to really think about it when someone asks how old you are, and found yourself stuck for an answer to long it’s been since you’ve done something that truly feeds your soul?

If you answered “yes” to more than a couple of these, my friend, there’s your wake-up call. Beyond any birthday that ends on “0” (or even “5”) “midlife” for our generation is more of a feeling than a number; and, if we’re clever, we can discover our own ways to use that feeling to postpone the next stage indefinitely. Like the cream filling in a Double Stuff Oreo or the intoxicating sugariness in the heart of a July watermelon, we are the first generation to realize that we can make the middles of our lives the very sweetest part.

How? Follow me. I’ll show you the trail I and millions of others are taking to bring Meaning, Magic and Mastery to the Second Half of Life.

The Smart Woman’s Guide to Midlife Horses: Finding Meaning Magic and Mastery in the Second Half of Life is scheduled for release on July 1, 2011, and is now available for preorder at www.horseandriderbooks.com.

Reserve your copy today!

Happy New Year’s Lesson #1: if you’re a woman and you’re gonna brand your name, be sure it’s the one you were born with.

by Melinda Folse News

Happy New Year’s Lesson #1: if you’re a woman and you’re gonna brand your name, be sure it’s the one you were born with. After spending a lot of time, money and energy consistently and deliberately branding my name — and my byline — over the past few years, I did the unthinkable. I got married.

Now don’t misunderstand. It was a great personal decision that has started my 2011 off in an unforgettable way. And, I’m happy to report, so far, so good! And, no, I’m not one of those women who feels compelled to take my husband’s name.

The problem, it appears, is that Melinda Kaitcer, the name I branded so diligently is, in fact, my ex-husband’s name. Can we all say, together, “Duh?!?!?”

So how did this happen, you ask? What could have possibly made this seem like a good idea? Well, for one thing, I had a small child at the time, and for all the right reasons, I chose to keep my name the same. I was also, at the time, busily churning out magazine articles, trying to establish my byline and build an identifiable body of work — and as many different kinds of published clips as I could. Millionaire Blueprints. Fort Worth Magazine. Texas Monthly. REO. Cowboys & Indians. Then came the books: Gordon Weinberger’s Infinite Persistence Life Book (my first ghostwriting assignment), and then Clinton Anderson’s Lessons Well Learned, my first collaboration.

The higher my stack of Melinda Kaitcer clips and credits climbed, the happier and more settled into my writing career I became. (And frankly I wasn’t planning on getting married again. Ever. But that’s another story for another time.) While all that was fine and dandy on the personal side of the fence, it has now posed a challenge I never thought of — and in the process, provided an excellent branding lesson I’m all too happy to share. (Why waste a good lesson, I always ask?)

As writers, don’t we all mine our own life experiences for material? For me, this is a self-serving tendency. (Hence the ironic new title of my upcoming book, The Smart Women’s Guide to Midlife Horses, Trafalgar Square Books, March 2011) However, it always takes a little of the sting from my own painful lessons when I can share what I learn to help others confronted with similar struggles. It also helps me to distract myself by looking for the entertainment value within my sometimes colorful missteps. Usually as I laugh through my tears and/or embarrassment and/or annoyance to present whatever help and information I found to solve my own problem, I end up feeling a little bit better about the whole thing. In fact, these are what I call “my hidden paychecks.”

So as I negotiate these tricky waters of rebranding, if you or one of your clients is in the same boat, grab an oar and hop aboard. Feel free took over my shoulder, ask questions, make suggestions, tell me something that will cheer me up, and glide along with me to the other side of this unexpected new adventure!

So where do we launch this dinghy? (Yes, pun intended)

First, I contacted my web dude, the gifted Bo Parker of Thinq Different Design, and asked him to help me work out a rebranding game plan. After running his analytics, he said I had indeed done a good job with my branding activities, and as a result, was pretty deeply embedded in Google.

“Is that good or bad?” I asked.

“Both,” he said.

(Always putting the good first) It means, WooHooooo!!! the search engines are finding me and even though I’ve been slacking terribly on this WordPress blog. And even though I’ve set up all the right pages and accounts on Facebook, You Tube, Flickr, Twitter, and LinkedIn, I’ve been too busy making my deadlines to get those things rolling. still done a decent job getting enough stuff out there to fill several page of hits on Google. And really, the bad wasn’t so much bad as just a yellow light: slow down and proceed with caution.

Switching cold turkey to a new professional identity, Bo explained (he’s exceptionally patient with me and, upon request, speaks very slowly when we’re talking about this stuff), means all previous work connected to my former byline will disappear. However, if I am smart and consistent in how I go about making this change — and don’t make any sudden moves — I don’t necessarily have to lose all that good ground. Simply put, this new identity of mine must be accomplished in stages — and it’s going to take a while.

After talking it over with my new husband, David (and after we both had a little too much fun with my first idea of just using my first name. Like Cher. Pink. Jewel. Prince. Right? Oh wait. I can’t sing. Besides, having just one name would make me feel conspicuous, which is my least favorite thing.), we decided I would use my family name, Folse, for business (changing The Kaitcer Group LLC to The Folse Group LLC), and change my byline from Melinda Kaitcer to, first of all, Melinda Folse Kaitcer.

Quite by accident, I already started this switch with last Spring’s release of Grandmaster: a Story of Struggle, Triumph and Taekwondo. For some reason it just seemed right to add my family name to what I consider my biggest professional accomplishment so far. So sporting the debut of my interim byline, Melinda Folse Kaitcer, Grandmaster has been out in the world seeking its fortune for almost a year.

Bo tells me that using Melinda Folse Kaitcer on everything I do for a while will help the search engines find me again — and that after enough repetitions, they will start to see my new professional name, Melinda Folse, as a phrase. Once the analytics show that the search engines are linking my names (bringing up my work under the Melinda Kaitcer byline when you Google Melinda Folse Kaitcer, and eventually, just Melinda Folse), it will be OK to drop Kaitcer completely still, all my old books and articles should still come up when someone searches my “new” name.

Meanwhile, as I wait for Melinda Folse to become an official Google “phrase,” I think it’s time to climb off my bliss cloud and gets back to work. I’ve got Casserole Wedding in the oven, and it’s starting to bubble into something I hope will be as delightful to those who partake as it has been to prepare!

I can’t be the only woman writer who’s been through this name change rebranding process. I’d love to hear your stories! What would you do differently if you had it all to do over again? What can I share with others about this process that might make it a little bit easier?

The Smart Woman’s Guide to Midlife Horses

by Melinda Folse Book info Projects The Smart Woman's Guide to Midlife Horses

midlife click through — Click on the order button to buy this book now!

by Melinda Folse (formerly Melinda Folse Kaitcer)

“MELINDA FOLSE speaks to those women whose hearts yearn for reconnection at a time when life seems to have run its own course and childhood dreams of playing with horses are only a vague memory. She not only helps you rekindle the possiblity of bringing a little equine energy into yourlife, she also takes you on a gentle journey of small steps to help your childhood passion become a reality.”

—KOELLE SIMPSON, Life Coach, “Horse Whisperer,”

Co-Teacher with Martha Beck

“How to Make Things Happen” Equine-Assisted Learning Retreat

ABOUT THE BOOK:

Are You on the Verge of Midlife Horses ?

Why Millions of Midlife Women Are Getting (Back) in the Saddle…and How You Can, Too!

Just as the stereotypical icon of male midlife crisis is often a shiny new sports car, many females in midlife are now claiming a shiny new “mustang” of their own.

In fact, The American Horse Council Foundation estimates there are 9.2 million horses in the United States, 75 percent of which are owned by women over the age of forty. These are the women who grew up before Title IX, before young girls had real venues for exploring and expressing their strength, independence, and mastery. These were the girls who once chose Breyers over Barbies, preferring to play with plastic horses instead of plastic dolls.

Then they grew up.

Their dreams of horses, and all horses once represented, were shelved along with those now-collectible Breyers. Today, after two, three, or four decades taking care of others, with the kids out of the house (and sometimes the husband, too), today’s forty- and fifty-something woman suddenly finds herself with the time, money, and health to be all she used to hope to be. Exhilarated by this new freedom to focus on her own priorities, she decides to get back in the saddle—or perhaps to finally get in it for the first time. She Googles “horses for sale” online, signs up for lessons, goes for a trail ride, or takes a friend up on a longstanding offer to “Come ride with me sometime.”

Then reality rears its wrinkled head.

By midlife, her center of balance may have shifted a bit, her muscle tone may have faded, and the well-honed apprehension, courtesy of years of “Be careful, now!” mothering may have replaced her youthful sense of invincibility. She also may have discovered a few new insecurities midlife horsemanship can create—physical, emotional, and financial quandaries she never before considered. This uncertainty may be compounded by the well-intentioned comments of friends and family members—“What if you get hurt?” and “You know, old bones take longer to heal,” and “Are you sure you can afford all this?”

If, however, she somehow manages to turn these doubts into determination—and climbs into the saddle to discover the spell only close communion with a horse can cast—she’ll be the first to tell you there’s nothing else in the world like it. And she’ll do whatever it takes to make it work, because for the first time in a long time, her soul feels whole.

The Smart Woman’s Guide to Midlife Horses is the book women have been searching for, but haven’t yet found. Offering horses as both metaphor and solution to the natural malaise that often arises within us just about the time we blow out that “midlife” birthday candle, this is the book that will help midlife women ask (and answer), “What about my dreams?” and “Is it my turn yet?” and “If not now, when?” and best of all, “If now, how?”

As co-author of the bestseller, Lessons Well Learned with Clinton Anderson (Trafalgar Square Books, 2009), and following the book’s release, as senior writer on Clinton’s Downunder Horsemanship creative team, I came face to face with countless women just like me who once dreamed of horses and are now recapturing that dream. After watching their struggles (and joining in with a few of my own), listening to their stories and witnessing firsthand what having horses at this time of life can mean, I created the book I wish I had been able to find when I made the bold decision to get back in the saddle at the age of 45.

With as much humor (mostly at my own expense) as I could muster (you might as well laugh, right?), I let my own struggles do the talking in this tongue-in-cheek account that its publisher calls “a little bit memoir, a little more self-help, a whole lot practical guidebook, and all heart.”

Folse19_lores — From: The Smart Woman's Guide to Midlife Horses, here's my official author photo with my midlife horses, Trace and Rio

My own midlife horse tale?

It all began with the purchase of Trace, a handsome bay gelding that was a pure dream-come true. Until, that is, he decided to become, in the tradition of oysters-and-pearls, the agitating impetus for this book.

Trace_gwHEADSHY — From The Smart Woman's Guide to Midlife Horses: Author, Melinda Folse and her midlife horse, Trace, enjoy a Clinton Anderson inspired "head-shy" exercise

To solve some problems while creating still others, I then added Rio, a little sorrel who seems to think he’s a dog. He sometimes (usually when I’m least expecting it) licks me affectionately and makes donkey faces when I scratch his itchy spot. He would also follow me into the house if I’d let him. (And one of these days, I might.)

Rio _smileLoRes_crop1 — From The Smart Woman's Guide to Midlife Horses: Author Melinda Folse enjoys an itchy moment with her midlife horse, Rio.

And the rest, as you will see, is history that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.

Trace_headdown_LoRes — From The Smart Woman's Guide to Midlife Horses: Author Melinda Folse enjoys the sweetness of a quiet connection with her midlife horse, Trace.

I didn’t do this book alone. It represents the massive combination of the time, energy, encouragement, insights and wisdom so generously shared with me by countless contributors (some without even knowing it!) that helped me take this “midlife horse guidebook” from a wishful “what-if” concept to reality. As this book makes its way into the world, I gratefully celebrate and acknowledge everyone who shared their experiences and thoughts about horses, horsemanship, and what this whole midlife horses experience is all about. And, for the millions of women (and experts) I didn’t get to talk to personally (and I realize I only touched the tip of the proverbial iceberg!), I’m excited to say we’ve created a “venue to continue,” as it were.

Beyond being “just a book” (and its soon-forthcoming e-book version), I’ve also created an online hub of information and sharing that includes my blog, a dedicated Facebook community, a YouTube channel to play host to our moments of triumph, flashes of insight, and maybe a little bit of just plain silliness, and even a spot on Flickr to go and view photos of the folks whose stories appear in the book — and other photos I shot during the book’s creation. (I’ll be loading content onto all these links over the next few weeks, getting ready for the book’s release, so keep checking!) Please post your comments!

Moving forward from here, and as this thing begins to build, I invite anyone who would like to share her midlife horse story to send me her contact information, photos with her horse(s), cool videos of your horsey experiences (and whose phone doesn’t shoot photos/video nowadays?) and whatever reflections she would like to share with others about her midlife horse journey to amuse, inform, entertain and/or inspire our midlife sisters!

So here it is. Your official invitation to come and be part of the Smart Woman’s Guide to Midlife Horses online community, with all the discussions, debates, friendship, laughter, and camaraderie only midlife horses can inspire. We’re all in this together, friends, and while this is a journey of each individual soul, it provides sustenance and encouragement to know there’s good company on this trail — and for what it’s worth, I’m here to help you connect with each other!

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