qjHmBn

A big thank you to Dallas Morning News Writer Kathleen Green and Pulitzer Prize Winning Photographer Robert Hart for this week’s Dallas Morning News My Town feature that highlighted The Smart Woman’s Guide to Midlife Horses. What I love most about Kathleen’s story (notwithstanding her exposure of my fairly serious (and obvious) Mexican food addiction and my enthusiasm for horse shopping at Teskeys) is that she really gets what this book is truly about — and the amazing power of embracing any midlife dream as an antidote to the sense of ennui that can settle in on all of us at this pivotal time of life.

What’s your dream? When you were young, what did you think you would always get around to doing — someday? Whatever it once was, I’d be willing to bet it’s still there. Really. Look under that pile of outgrown clothes, in the bottom of that overflowing junk drawer, or wedged between the post-it notes on your exploding calendar or bulletin board. You’ll find a hint of it.

Yes, for me it has always been horses that capture my imagination. But as the chapters of this book reveal, horses are really just a metaphor for anything that brings us a sense of freedom, a proverbial breath of fresh air, right here in the middle of our lives. It’s time to win independence over the day-to-day minutia that creeps in and takes over while we’re busy taking care of others and doing what we’re “supposed” to be doing as responsible adults.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m all about being responsible and doing what we need to do. These are by no means mutually exclusive ideas. However, it is only when we embrace this natural midlife pause to reflect on our earlier dreams (whatever they are!) that we realize the opportunity is still there for us, on some level — and our dream is still waiting patiently for us to walk into the corral our subconscious built for it and make the decision to reclaim it.

What are you waiting for?

Rio_facing_LoRes — Saddle Up! Your Midlife Horse is Waiting!

Happy Trails!

Special thanks to Rick Lamb for a delightful radio interview and an enlightening male perspective on my book!

by admin Book info Midlife News Projects The Smart Woman's Guide to Midlife Horses Women and Horses

What a pleasure it was to talk with Rick Lamb on his radio show, “The Horse Show with Rick Lamb” about The Smart Woman’s Guide to Midlife Horses. Although I had never actually talked with Rick before, his reputation as the quintessential nice guy preceded him, and I’ll say I now fully agree with that assessment!

We covered a lot of good ground in our hour-long conversation, and even though after talking to so many women about this subject it was a little funny at first to discuss the whole midlife thing with a man, I’ll have to admit that I may have made a small tactical error. Somewhere in my assumption that the search for meaning, magic and mastery with the help of midlife horses is a phenomenon particular to Baby Boomer women, I think I got caught in my own stereotype!

As Rick pointed out, the Baby Boomer generation(s) are also chock full of men who are now finding their thrill and chasing their own forgotten horsemanship dreams. And, for many of these men, the issues horses help resolve are strikingly similar! Rick’s book, Human to Horseman, chronicles his own midlife horse journey, much as I did mine, so if any of you are looking for a view of the midlife horse experience from the male perspective, you ought to check this one out at www.ricklamb.com! Also, you’ll find several references to Rick’s earlier book, written with Dr. Robert Miller, DVM, called Revolution in Horsemanship within the pages (and listed in the resources) of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Midlife Horses.

If you’d like to hear this great conversation for yourself, just click here to visit Rick’s site. And, while you’re there (and to access all his great radio and TV shows and take a look at an impressive array of other books and products), be sure to sign up for a free membership! This site is a great resource for all kinds of horse information and entertainment — a place to visit often just to see what he’s up to!

Go give it a listen and let me know what you think — and if the interview sparked any follow up questions you’d like to ask either of us, please feel free to post your comment here and I’ll be sure to get back to you with a good answer!

Happy Trails!

Want to develop some mad core strength? Trot around for two hours on a snippy horse. Lather, rinse, and repeat.

by admin Midlife News Projects The Smart Woman's Guide to Midlife Horses Women and Horses

Just got back in from a two hour ride that turned into four — and grueling trot-a-thon on Trace and a bend-o-rama on Rio that has my core muscles quivering like Santa’s legendary bowlful of jello. You just never realize the need for well-developed core strength until you’ve trotted around in circles for two hours on a snippy horse, followed by another hour and a half on my passive aggressive sweetie pie that much prefers leaning to bending, whose cantering is more like a ride on Six Flags Over Texas’ Runnaway Mine Train than the slow, easy circles of my dreams.

Hobbling back to the cool comfort of my twirly desk chair, I just decided to go back and re-read Chapter Four, “Leg Up!” of my recently released book, The Smart Woman’s Guide to Midlife Horses . When I was writing the book, I realized through countless conversations with other women like me that one of the biggest challenges to midlife horsemanship is getting and staying fit to ride. Not only does this kind of conditioning make sense for improving our overall health and wellbeing, but when it comes to riding and working with our horses, it is crucial to be strong enough to be effective, keep ourselves safe, have a good time, and above all, keep coming back for more!

And, perfectly timed with today’s epiphany, there was a nice reference to this chapter on Rebecca’s TSB Riding Adventures July 27 blog post, titled “The Working Rider’s Workout,” as she prepares for a Wyoming Ranch ride (Yee Haww, Becca! You go, girl! I just learned the other day that dressage is like crack–more on that later– and I can’t wait to see if Becca finds the same is true about chasing cows!) Let’s stay tuned to this one and see how it comes out!)

Any others of you out there have a neat destination ride planned this year? Let us hear from you! We love to be inspired — and sometimes, live vicariously. Also, look for my upcoming post on some great fall rides I just learned about from a new friend who has personally done them all and can give us some great inside information on a surprising “trail culture” cropping up out there for trail enthusiasts across the nation.

And, as for getting that “core of jello” I’m sporting these days a little more solidified so I can be more effective in future trot-a-thons and bend-o-ramas, stay tuned for more info and exercises as I go back this coming month and revisit (and actually consistently DO) all those great core building exercises I tucked into Chapter Four of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Midlife Horses. Anyone out there want to do them with me? Anybody up for a little spirited “core building competition?”

Let me hear from you!

Happy Trails!

Jana’s vet told her to treat her horse just like she treats her husband. What could THAT possibly mean?

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If there’s one thing certain in the great big horse world, it’s that there are plenty of people around to tell you what to do. Some of them will be right. Some won’t. And, while what this vet was advising did, in a somewhat quirky way, apply to correcting what Clinton Anderson would call “tiptoeing around” her horse from this normally strong and assertive woman, this is not necessarily the kind of thing you’ll find in horsemanship textbooks.

Or will you?

The truth is, there are many different ways of presenting the same information. And, since everyone hears and processes information differently, what strikes a chord with one person may fall flat with another. That’s why you have to learn, above all, the way you learn this horsemanship thing best — and then go find the people and information that resonate with your understanding, ability, personality and learning style.

Where do you find your best answers? How do you locate the people who can help you learn whatever you need to learn on this spectacular midlife trail? In addition to the wagonload of resources and suggestions you’ll find in the back of my new book, The Smart Woman’s Guide to Midlife Horses, be sure to check out Chapter 11, “Picking Up the Correct Lead.” (In case the cleverness of this title escapes you, this chapter has nothing at all to do with cantering — and everything to do with finding the advice and instruction that works best for you.) No matter where you are on this journey, the key to successful midlife horsemanship is finding those riding buddies, instructors and clinicians that meet your needs and have your best interests at heart.

Did the vet’s somewhat wonky advice work for Jana? ”

“Well,” she reported to him at his next visit, ” I did what you said. I took my stick home and when my husband started to ignore me, I stepped right in front of him and spanked the ground with my stick. And you know what? He’s not speaking to me!”

The vet, nonplussed, just looked at her. (If only I had a picture of the look on his face) Sometimes even good advice — and the best of intentions — can backfire. The good news here is I’m about 80% sure Jana was pulling his leg.

What’s the craziest advice you’ve ever received that actually made sense to you, changed your thinking, and got a result you’ve been looking for?

Free Saddle Up Your Midlife Horses! t-shirt to the first three responders!

Happy Trails!

Are my shorts on upside down? Ten years ago, this same pair was tight in the legs and big in the waist. Midlife can be so cruel.

by admin Midlife News Projects The Smart Woman's Guide to Midlife Horses Women and Horses

Midlife Horses_FRONT COVER_LORES — by Melinda Folse (formerly Melinda Folse Kaitcer) Order it now at www.horseandriderbooks.com!

What’s up with this change in my body structure that, number one, confirms I have entered that “certain age” and, number two, means twiggy legs and flappy triceps can’t be too far behind? Is this cruel reshaping really necessary? Unavoidable?

“NO!” Say the experts I consulted to build Chapter Four of my new book, The Smart Woman’s Guide to Midlife Horses. This chapter , entitled “Leg Up!” deals with the specific conditioning required to be effective with a horse — and, incidentally, could quite easily put us int he best shape of our lives.

The nice thing about this “exercise program” is that our horse chores are such necessary tasks we often don’t realize what a workout we’re getting. With a little awareness and a tiny bit of tweaking of our “horsekeeping” routines, we can be on the road to rock-star fitness without even realizing it. (This reminds me of a stretch of time when I was desensitizing Trace to the saddle by throwing it on him 100 times a day. If he hadn’t gotten bored with it and given up his goofiness, I could have had an upper body like Wonder Woman!)

And beyond the obvious fitness benefits that ride the coattails of barn chores like tossing bales, toting water buckets and mucking stalls, guess what else is packed quietly into this sneaky midlife fitness regimen?

Check out these Chapter Four factoids:

An hour of trotting burns 400-600 calories (in your body, not the horse’s!)

Mounting a horse uses every single muscle in your hips and legs

Just sitting on a horse simulates an extended squat, constantly working quads, hamstrings, abductors and aductors — simultaneously!

(I didn’t see any stats on how many calories sitting on a bucking horse burns— not to mention yanking him in circles until we’re both a bit dizzy— but I know it has given me jaw muscles like a pit bull. Probably not a good thing.)

So with all this fitness in mind, I’m off to the barn to ramp up my routine (in what they’re calling the second hottest Texas summer on record. I try not to pay attention to the counters, but I think I heard this is the 16th straight day of 100+ degree heat.) Maybe copious sweating will help right these upside-down shorts.

So . . .Fitness after 50? Just another gift we receive at the hooves of our midlife horses! I’ve included in the book a number of ideas for making the most of this built-in (if a little unwitting) fitness program, from specific exercises I discovered to interesting ways of combating this disturbing “flab phenomenon.” I’ve shared what I found to get motivated enough to reap yet another surprising benefit of the midlife horse experience. Now it’s your turn.

I know I didn’t even scratch the surface of good ideas in this area. What’s your horse fitness strategy? If you have any good fitness amping tips, suggestions or strategies, please share them with the growing Smart Womans Guide to Midlife Horses Community! Just post a comment in reply either here on this blog, on our Facebook page, or via Twitter or LinkedIn. And, if you have a photo or video of some good horse-related fitness routines or strategies, send them to me and I’ll post them on Flickr or our You Tube channel! Camera phones welcome! It’s all about helping each other keep it right side up!

Thanks, Dallas Morning News, for a fun interview and shoot! Look for the story in Our Town July 25!

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It’s a darned good thing I didn’t know that was a Pulitzer winning photographer taking my picture this morning to go with Kathleen Green’s upcoming Dallas Morning News Article featuring The Smart Woman’s Guide to Midlife Horses. THAT would have made me nervous. But quite to the contrary, our early morning photo shoot with crackerjack photographer Robert Hart was nothing but fun!

The horses behaved admirably, the blistering Texas heat had yet to fully wake up for another 100+ degree day day, and I’m not sure, but I think Robert got some photos he liked. (He said that when a photographer makes the “ooh oooh oooh” monkey noise, it’s a good thing. Did I mention he won a Pulitzer? Although I’m fairly camera shy and highly self-critical, I’m guardedly optimistic about this one.)

As one not accustomed to being on this side of the interview or camera, I’ll have to say it was a little weird at first. But, just like the Horse Radio Network “Horses in the Morning” radio interview last week, once I get started talking about The Smart Woman’s Guide to Midlife Horses, all weirdness faded into my genuine enthusiasm for sharing this book.

You know the best thing about writing this book? Because it came from my own personal midlife horse quest — and because I built it to be a resource guide for readers to use as a springboard for finding their own answers, the ideas, connections, and useful information just keeps flowing my way!

That’s why I’m so glad we’re building this comunity — a gathering place where we can all pool our ideas, stories and experiences — and just generally bask in the fun and camaraderie the whole Midlife Horse experience can bring! (I’m looking into adding a virtual margarita machine . . .)

If you haven’t done it already, please visit (and “Like”!) our Facebook page and join the conversations growing there! Id love to hear from you any time something on this blog strikes a familiar chord — and, if you have pictures of you and your horse, advice to share, funny video, or favorite quotes, if you send ’em, I’ll post ’em! We’ve built an exciting social media hub that includes this blog, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube, and Flickr.

Tell your friends! Come back often! Happy trails!

The magic of this midlife horse thing? On a good day, it feels like the look on a baby’s face when he tastes chocolate for the very first time.

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Meet Teresa, (pictured here with her midlife horse, Lladro). It was on a quiet morning ride, when Trace and I were the only other ones at the club, that we began to mimic, in follow-the-leader fashion (at a respectful distance on the far end of the arena, of course), Teresa and her beautiful and majestic Fresian through their daily dressage maneuvers.

070_70 — Here's Teresa and Lladro enjoying one of those "first chocolate" midlife horse moments . . .

We botched them all, of course, as neither of us knew what the hell we were even trying to do, but in the process (and in Teresa’s charitable kindness) a friendship was formed over our midlife horses.

As we rode along afterwards together (with Lladro casting a disdainful but tolerant eye toward Trace) it was our discussion of what our midlife horses mean to us that actually sparked the exploration that, three years later, became my soon to be released book, The Smart Woman’s Guide to Midlife Horses: Finding Meaning , Magic and Mastery in the Second Half of Life.

004_4 — . . . and here, modeling the kind of “I’ll scratch your back if you’ll scratch mine” relationship we all hope for with our midlife horse!

Teresa was giving me the 411 about the Fort Worth Horseshoe Club where I had just moved Trace. “We have the cleaners — they come out every day and clean their stalls their buckets their feed bins. Their stalls are cleaner than my house. We have the groomers, they come out and shampoo, brush, apply hoof dressings and keep their horse looking like a million bucks. We have some that stay pretty much on the ground, others who take a lot of lessons, some ride just for fun and others are very serious competitors — or used to be. There really is something in this experience for everyone!”

“What do you think it is about horses that attract women at this time of life?” I asked in what would become the genesis of this book .

“You know the look a baby gets on his face the first time he tastes chocolate? That’s what a good horse day feels like — and that’s what keeps us coming back for more!”

quadrille — and then, living her midlife horse dream to its fullest expression, Teresa gives us all a vision that is nothing short of magical!

FULL COVER_Midlife Horses — The Smart Woman's Guide to Midlife Horses by Melinda Folse (formerly Melinda Folse Kaitcer) - Order yours today at www.horseandriderbooks.com!

Today’s the Day!

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I woke up this morning the same way you do on any big day, in the foggy recollection that something exciting and long awaited was about to happen. This, friends, is the day my new book, The Smart Women’s Guide to Midlife Horses: Find Meaning Magic and Mastery in the Second Half of Life finally hits the streets. WooHoooooooo!

It’s been a long time coming, starting on the day I was riding with my friend Teresa (you’ll meet her and her horse, Lladro, in an upcoming post). I had just moved my horse to a wonderful place that was home to about 75 horses, and I couldn’t help but notice the number of women out there who were my age and older.

When I remarked on this she explained. “We have lots of women out here who just love being with their horses. Some are the cleaners— they come out and wash their horse, scrub their buckets, and their stalls are cleaner than most houses. We have the groomers. They brush, shampoo, condition, apply hoof dressing, and wash their horses’ faces. Some do groundwork — they walk with their horses, hand graze, round pen and lunge. Others of us ride, some just for fun and some working on learning new things, and a few serious ones who go to a show every weekend. We have all come to the place in our lives that our kids are grown, we have a little disposable income, and this is where we want to be. Some of us have husbands, some don’t; some husbands participate, some just come to the parties. But every day, or as often as we can, we come here for our ‘horse fix’.”

Then I remember asking the question — and getting the answer that started this book (even though I didn’t realize it at the time):

“What do you think it is about horses that make us want to have them at this time of life?” I asked.

She thought for a moment and then replied, “You know that look on a baby’s face when he tastes chocolate for the very first time?”

So here we are, some three years and many many miles (and lots of chocolate) later, with this beautiful book created for this special group of women.

Check it out (and place your order!) at www.horseandriderbooks and please let me hear from you! My goal was to create the book I was looking for when I came back to horses in the middle of my life. I was looking for more than “how to” . . . I was interested in doing things right, of course, and I wanted to learn how to find the experts I needed and to know what questions to ask, but beyond “how to,” I wanted to understand “why to” — and to make sense of it all in the context of my own life and experience and goals. I also wanted to hear from others like me—to learn from them, laugh with them and sometimes cry and complain with them. It is not an easy journey — and there is a lot to know and some of it is not pretty. But I’ll have to say it’s all been worth it. And just like that first taste of chocolate, an unexpected delight!

So if you’re a “woman of a certain age” (or not! All are certainly welcome — even the men out there just trying to understand this obsession), whether or not you have a horse, I invite you to join the community we’ve created around this book. Stop by as often as you can to join the fun, laughter, camaraderie and joy only midlife horses can bring. Find us on Facebook,Twitter, YouTube (please send your videos–even camera phone!– and I’ll post them!) and Flickr (send photos of you with your horse!). This is our free Midlife Horses support community — a place for us all to share what we’ve learned, commiserate, celebrate and, to the greatest extent possible, laugh our butts off in the pure joy only midlife horses can bring. I’ve built it — now, y’all come!

Some people wouldn’t spend as much on a saddle as on a new living room sofa. But as far as I know, an ill-fitting sofa never caused anyone to land in the middle of the living room floor.

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In Chapter 9 of my new book, The Smart Woman’s Guide to Midlife Horses: Find Meaning, Magic and Mastery in the Second Half of Life, I make an unapologetic confession. I own three saddles. And while I love each and every one of them for very different reasons, none of them fit my horse.

As it turns out, there’s a whole lot to this saddle fitting thing — whether you ride English or Western, and I found a few experts to help me understand this complex issue — and I barely scratched the surface! As you follow my well-worn train of saddle frustration, you might as well learn from my mistakes, get ideas of where you might find the experts you need, and have a decent idea of what questions to ask and what kinds of things to look out for.

Folse10 — There's a lot to consider when choosing a saddle, and it's important to look at it from the horse's point of view first! (From Chapter 9, "Let's Get Tacky," The Smart Woman's Guide to Midlife Horses)

The bottom line? While it’s hard (and usually impossible!) to get horse experts to agree on anything, I did find a general consensus on this topic. When you’re trying to fit this “moving target,” there are three things to look for:

1. Your horse has to be comfortable and able to move freely without pain.

2. You need to be comfortable and well balanced in the saddle.

3. The saddle must be designed and suited to the purpose you intend to use it for.

When you’re saddle shopping, it’s easy to find a saddle that meets any one of these criteria, sometimes two. But girlfriends, take it from me and keep on shopping until you find one that meets all three. You may have to spend some money (and once you find the one you want, you might be able to find it used at any one of a bazillion online or in person resale sources.), but believe me, it will be worth it.

And, it may not be as cozy to watch TV in the evenings sitting on a saddle instead of that Pottery Barn sofa you’ve had your eye on, but at least you’ll have a secure seat when it really counts!

Come! Join the community that’s building around this book. Stop by as often as you can to join the fun, laughter, camaraderie and joy only midlife horses can bring. Find us here, on Facebook,Twitter, YouTube (please send your videos–even camera phone!– and I’ll post them!) and Flickr (send photos of you with your horse!). This is our free Midlife Horses support community — a place for us all to share what we’ve learned, commiserate, celebrate and, to the greatest extent possible, laugh our butts off in the pure joy only midlife horses can bring. I’ve built it — now, y’all come!

“The horse is a mirror to your soul. Sometimes you might not like what you see. Sometimes you will.” Buck Brannaman

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What a profound statement from Dan “Buck” Brannaman in the riveting documentary, “Buck,” now showing in theaters everywhere (learn more at www.buckthefilm.com) . Go see it and reply to this post with your favorite quote! Free “Saddle Up Your Midlife Horses” t-shirt to the first five who respond!

What is most interesting to me about this statement from this celebrated “horse whisperer” is that, in the midlife horse experience we often completely miss this gift of pure gold. It’s so easy to blame the horse when things don’t go as we hoped in this relationship. We deny what our horse’s behavior may be telling us about who we are on the inside. Or, paraphrasing Buck and before him, Ray Hunt, and before him, Tom Dorrance, “horse problems” almost always turn out to be horses with “people problems.”

That invaluable reflection from our ponies, girlfriends, is the essence of what we can learn from our midlife horses. And, whether we like it or want to admit it or not, you can’t fool them or change their opinion. Horses just call ’em as they see ’em . . . and it’s up to us to figure out what changes we need to make so we’ll like what they see in us!

What did my horse, Trace, tell me? (I’m not sure why I’m sharing this, but it does give context to my struggles, documented for all the world to see in my recent book, The Smart Woman’s Guide to Midlife Horses.) That I have an innate tendency to overthink, overachieve and overreact. That I am something of a control freak and get upset when I can’t have my own way. That I am sensitive to others’ feelings and emotions, need a certain amount of sincere, positive feedback, and am happiest when I have a job to do or something new to learn. I don’t like being pushed around. There’s a certain amount of disrespect I’ll put up with from people if I like them, but enough’s enough. And bullies bring out the crazy in me.

Fortunately, my second horse, Rio, shows me a sweeter, gentler reflection (if a little headstrong): I like to have fun, I’m sweet and committed (sometimes overcommitted) to doing the right thing, loyal as a dog, and my quirky personality gives me a knack for making people laugh — especially when things start to get too serious.

What does your midlife horse tell you? Don’t have a midlife horse, but wondering what’s going on in your inner landscape — and outward relationships? Get yourself one of these swishy-tailed mirrors and you won’t be wondering for long!

Join the fun, challenges, and camaraderie only Midlife Horses can bring! “Like” us on Facebook, Follow me on Twitter, and check out our community videos and photos (I built it — y’all come! If you send me your favorite midlife horses stories, photos and moments, I’ll post em!) on YouTube and Flickr.

Happy Trails!

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Tagged: Equine studies

Thank you, Dallas Morning News, for a great job portraying The Smart Woman’s Guide to Midlife Horses! Read it at http://dallasne.ws/qjHmBn

Special thanks to Rick Lamb for a delightful radio interview and an enlightening male perspective on my book!

Want to develop some mad core strength? Trot around for two hours on a snippy horse. Lather, rinse, and repeat.

Jana’s vet told her to treat her horse just like she treats her husband. What could THAT possibly mean?

Are my shorts on upside down? Ten years ago, this same pair was tight in the legs and big in the waist. Midlife can be so cruel.

Thanks, Dallas Morning News, for a fun interview and shoot! Look for the story in Our Town July 25!

The magic of this midlife horse thing? On a good day, it feels like the look on a baby’s face when he tastes chocolate for the very first time.

Today’s the Day!

Some people wouldn’t spend as much on a saddle as on a new living room sofa. But as far as I know, an ill-fitting sofa never caused anyone to land in the middle of the living room floor.

“The horse is a mirror to your soul. Sometimes you might not like what you see. Sometimes you will.” Buck Brannaman