How do YOU see yourself?

How do YOU see yourself?

News Riding Through Thick & Thin

As I finish winding together the various parts of my new book about body image and riding, I can’t help  but wonder how the body image issues most women wrestle with in general may parallel how we imagine we look when we ride.

Consider, for example, the Dove “Real Beauty” advertising campaign in which researchers discovered the degree to which we underestimate our appeal. In fact, they discovered, women are their own worst critics — and only 4% of the women in the world actually do consider themselves “beautiful.”

The odds of feeling beautiful, it appears, are stacked against us. And the objective truth of how we really look  doesn’t  seem to enter into it at all. Take a look:

 

 

Taking it into the mainstream . . .

Ready for a revealing journaling exercise?  Pretend you’re walking into the room with the sketch artist. Open your journal and at the top of one page title it: How I see myself. Date it. Now, in short phrases or bullet points, describe yourself to that invisible sketch artist who lives in the pages of your journal. Now find a friend or family member you can trust to be objective (preferably one without an axe to grind) and explain this exercise.

Now , using exactly the same categories of information as your own bullet points, interview your chosen person and write down exactly how he or she would describe you as if you’d gone missing (maybe, for example, on an impromptu and unannounced dash to St. Somewhere on the advice of your favorite Jimmy Buffet song) and they were describing you to a sketch artist.

Now compare. What similarities and differences are most obvious? If you were reading these side-by-side lists that your best friend created, what would you say to her?

Calling all control freaks

Calling all control freaks

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“By not trying to control the uncontrollable, we get what we thought we’d get if we were in control.”
~Martha Beck, Victory By Surrender
OK, so here’s a new twist for those of us who count ourselves among control freaks, recovering control freaks or aspiring control freaks. What if true control really lies in being able to let go?
As someone in hot pursuit of “letting go” for the past couple of decades, I’ve puzzled over this concept quite a bit. (Ironically, I can’t seem to let go of it!) What does “letting go” really mean?
Whether we’re talking about people, possessions, situations, dreams, or even suffering, I think the process must be somewhat the same. Not so much of a big, one-time decision: “I’m going to let go of  THAT, once and for all!”  But in truth I think it’s a day-to-day decision we make to live beyond our attachments.
It seems that letting go, like so many things, is a matter of starting small. One small decision at a time, we can teach ourselves to experience the events, situations and people in our lives without attachment — and free fall into the same big fluffy pillow of  contentment we were hoping to find by controlling things.
Stuck in Transition?

Stuck in Transition?

News The Smart Woman's Guide to Midlife Horses

In anticipation of our new retreat programming — and all kinds of interesting ideas and options for fine-tuning your contentment we’ll be rolling out over the next six months — I’m starting a new series here on the subject of transition.

I’ve been doing a lot of research lately on the subject of turning the times of change in our lives into opportunities for re-evaluating, re-ordering and re-directing our thoughts, feelings and actions toward the best possible experience of whatever new reality we may be facing. I’ve found a lot of great stuff and wonderful resources on the subject that I will be sharing here, and I invite active participation from all of you regarding your own struggles, triumphs and experiences with transitions.

To be clear, the transition I’m talking about can come in any shape or size. Apparently the process of letting go of the old and embracing the new is pretty much the same regardless of whether the change you’re dealing with is major or minor. From changes in work, relationships, health, housing, routine, or any number of other things, it doesn’t seem to matter whether they come suddenly and dramatically — such as an accident or a winning lottery ticket — or from a creeping state of circumstances that has finally evolved into a life changing decision.

I’ve written a lot about midlife here — that ultimate time of transition everyone faces to some degree or the other. In our many conversations over The Smart Woman’s Guide to Midlife Horses, we’ve agreed that midlife is more a state of mind than a specific age range. And after talking to hundreds of women about their midlife horses, I fully appreciate that for some, the sensation of midlife “crisis” comes in their thirties, and for others (lots of others, as a matter of fact) not until their seventies! Although these times and sensations of “crisis” that forces or inspires some type of transition most often occurs at the changing of our decades, they are also likely to appear any time we experience, as author Gail Sheehy once put it, the “predictable crises of adult life.”

So as we explore the subject and ideas around making good, smooth transitions (horsemanship pun intended), we’ll look at topics including:

Reorienting your approach to your new reality by finding the inner stillness that will help you reflect, reevaluate, and gain clarity on your own deepest priorities (we’ll have more great resources on this soon, but in the meantime, check out Deepak Chopra’s Primordial Sound Meditation for a great place to start!).

Evaluating obstacles, issues and resources — and creating strategies and solutions that offer comfort and security in the interim, with specific action steps for moving forward. (Denise Barrows points us toward an interview she heard recently on NPR with one of my favorite “Getting Things Done®” resources, David Allen. Check out the free interview excerpt here, or go to interviewer/producer David Freudberg’s HumanMedia site for more information or to purchase the entire interview!)

Practicing extreme self care (Get thee to the bookstore or e-book site of your choice and purchase Cheryl Richardson’s The Art of Extreme Self Care) to help you realign physically, mentally and emotionally to your new reality — and the highest possible standards of who you are and all you are meant to be.

Finding the support you need to explore your own feelings and find the confidence that will keep you focused and motivated to make choices and decisions that continually honor and reflect the true nature of your highest self. My personal go-to source on all the “finding your own way” sorts of topics is Oprah-renowned life coach Martha Beck, with a special nod to her newest book Finding Your Way in a Wild New World.”

What interests you most on this subject? What in particular do you struggle with when you’re facing a transition? Where are your specific challenges in the above four areas? I’d love to hear from you here in the form of a comment, on our Facebook, LinkedIn or Twitter communities, or via email to me at mkfolse@gmail.com.

Just Say WHOA

Just Say WHOA

News The Smart Woman's Guide to Midlife Horses Women and Horses

 

One of the best books I’ve read lately is Cheryl Richardson’s The Art of Extreme Self Care.  Taking care of ourselves can be a creative challenge as well as a practical and logical one when life gets busy and demands on our time and attention exceed our available hours.

And interestingly, Cheryl herself struggles with the issue of constant re-balancing, remarking that sometimes when she finds herself at the office at 9:00 pm she has to stop and say “is this really what I need to be doing to take care of myself right now?”

And let’s face it. Sometimes it is. When taking a little extra time to get some situation at the office under control will allow you to be more peaceful, focused and productive going forward, it can be worth it to burn a little midnight oil. We’ve all been there.

And some of us have gotten so elated with the progress we make when things get quiet and we can hear ourselves think that we’ve stepped over the edge of situational effectiveness into the realm of habit. When it’s always better to stay late and arrive early and fill every morsel of free time with work in the name of “getting things under control.

This would be time (combining Richardson’s advice with horse vernacular) to just say, “WHOA!”

And here’s what’s funny about that. Once we set that intent — and that bell to go off in our heads when we veer too far off the course we’ve set for ourselves — it becomes easier and easier to monitor our choices and habits to create the solutions we need to stay happy and balanced in all the areas of our lives.

One thing I’d like to emphasize, too, is that it’s a process. A a constant re-balancing, reassessing and retooling. I’m finding out this is not a situation you solve once and that’s it. It takes vigilance. Determination. Patience. And self-scrutiny that borders on the obsessive.

Got any thoughts on that? Any tricks or tips for balancing priorities when one particularly demanding one tends to hog your time an attention? How do you know when it’s time to “Just say WHOA?”

Remembering Ancient Wisdom

Remembering Ancient Wisdom

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I’ve always known being around animals made me feel better. Anyone who knows me very well at all knows of my menagerie — horses, dogs, cat, bird, rabbit.

If I had more space I’d fill it with more of each — with the addition of llamas, donkeys and cows. I love to watch animals interact with one another (for the most part, that is. I do not like to watch one gnaw on  another, for sport or survival — that’s  where I draw the line), and I like to interact with them and try to learn whatever it is they have to teach me.

As author and life coach Martha Beck reminds us, it was Albert Einstein who said that human beings experience themselves as something separate from the rest, a kind of “optical delusion” of our consciousness. Our task of freeing ourselves from this self-imposed prison, Einstein tells us, is to widen the circle of our compassion to include — and embrace — all living creatures and the whole of nature.”

In Finding Your Way in a Wild New World,  Beck says that as we practice Oneness with animals, our body and mind will grow calmer, peaceful and more content. Our instincts will sharpen, enabling us to feel our way through situations and relationships of baffling complexity. And more than anything, this Oneness will remind us of what we all already know in the most ancient parts of our being.

Or, As Meister Eckhart put it:

 

When I was the stream, when I was the

forest, when I was still the field,

When I was every hoof, foot, 

fin and wing . . .

there was nothing

I could not

love

How can you connect more and practice oneness with nature — and then take that ancient wisdom back into your relationships with people? Do you have a story about this to tell? Post it here or email me and let’s discuss it! If you can’t find me, don’t worry — I’ll be back. I’m probably off somewhere talking to a squirrel.

What the Truck?

What the Truck?

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Still digging out from my exciting weekend at AmerEquine Festival of the Horse at Will Rogers Memorial Complex in Fort Worth, Texas this past weekend, and I have some VERY cool stuff to tell you about in coming posts. But first, I wanted to follow up on a couple of loose ends from our trailering series. (Also, after spending the weekend sharing a booth space with a delightful representative of US Rider, I have some more info about that great program as well!) Thanks so much to all who have sent comments and trailering suggestions and tips. There has been some GREAT info coming in. Scroll back through Trailering Part I and Part II to check these out, and add your own comments or questions. I especially love the practice tips and suggestions–just the kind of info we all need! Thanks again for all who contributed–we appreciate you!!!? I’m very excited to have these tips (already printed them out and put them in my trailer folder), and I’m so happy to share it all with those of you learning or contemplating trailering. Keep those ideas and suggestions coming! Now, part of the trailering equation that can be perplexing is the issue of how much truck do you really need? One good friend who has hauled a lot of miles offers this advice: always get more truck than you think you need. This is good, but first you have to know what you think you need, right? I, of course, am not the one to ask about this. I drive a mini, which, kind of like a Jack Russell terrier, is only big on the inside. In fact, I like to park it backed up to the biggest rig at my barn just to make people laugh. This is going to backfire someday when one of the owners of this trailer comes to hook up. That’s why I leave the keys in it, by the way. Also not a good idea in some locations (so, kids, don’t try this at home.) Nevertheless, I ask you now for any wisdom you have gained in your experience shopping for, purchasing and deciding which truck is the right one for your needs. I know lots of people pull trailers with underpowered vehicles all the time and have never had a problem, but in the interest of safety and our endless search for the best-we-can-do-if-we’re-going-to-do-it-at-all solution, let us hear from you about what you have learned about choosing the right truck. (Send photos to my email and I’ll post them!) I look forward to learning and sharing this crucial 411!

This post was originally published by Equisearch.com

Happy Trailering, Part 2-Tight Spaces

Happy Trailering, Part 2-Tight Spaces

Midlife Horses Events News The Smart Woman's Guide to Midlife Horses

First of all, thanks to all who responded to Trailering, Part 1! As I suspected, there are some great tips and kindred spirits out there, and I am so glad to provide a place and space to make those connections. Keep ’em coming! (And let’s keep these discussion threads going! A funny and unexpectedly related trailering incident happened this past week to my friend and Pilates instructor, Cassandra Thompson. As with many of us, Cassandra was bitten by the “horse bug” many years ago and has made one life transition after another until now this Manhattan Pilates instructor has uprooted her urban life and moved it (along with her 88-year-old father) all the way to Texas. And, having lived in Manhattan for so long, she’s only been driving a car for the past three years! Since coming to Texas (and logging lots of miles behind the wheel traveling between DFW Metroplex Pilates studios before she opened her own), she has bought Murphy, a handsome, charming, and true-to-his breed Connemara pony, a big black truck, and just a few weeks ago, a trailer. So last week, after the long-awaited-and-carefully-shopped-for trailer finally arrived (that’s a whole ‘nother story we’ll circle back to in a later post), she began the tentative process of learning to pull the thing. And, in the particularly harrowing morning she called me to relate, a backing incident that led to a close encounter with a tree (no real harm done . . . a little dab of paint and no one will ever know) made clear to her the need for lots of solitary practice (I think there was maybe a little too much fatherly advice flowing that only served to aggravate the situation) in a controlled, protected and obstacle free space to get the feel and timing of the whole backing and maneuvering skills likely required once you get to where you’re going with your trailer. So for today, I ask, beyond the great “put your hand at the bottom of the wheel and whichever direction your hand goes, so does the back end of the trailer” adage, what other tips, tricks, and experiences can you guys share to help create some good “back-that-thang-up” practice sessions for those learning to maneuver a trailer in tight spaces for the first time? What about turning in narrow city intersections without taking out the entire line of cars you’re supposed to be turning around? These are the issues that keep the trailerphobic among us up at night. We need practice ideas. And maybe some orange cones. Also, as if in answer to my question the other day, I got a link via email to an Equine Network E-zine called, of all things Hitch Up!? . . . an online magazine all about trailer safety, with tons of tips from nationally recognized trainers and clinicians. (Who knew?!!! Click here to subscribe!) Cassandra, by the way, will be one of the ones joining us next weekend as part of my panel discussion in the AmerEquine Festival of the Horse Expo at Will Rogers Memorial Center in Fort Worth. (We’ll be on the John Justin arena seminar stage Friday 5:30-6:15 and Saturday 1:30-2:15, so please come and tell us about your horse! There will be chocolate, as long as the supply holds out . . . Just sayin’ . . .) Cassandra will be addressing the physical aspects of why riding and working with horses on a regular basis is not only good for our souls, but GREAT for our bodies, especially if we take the time to “set the stage” with core work that reaches deep to benefit all parts of our lives. Or, as she likes to say, “we get strong because we have to be!” The horse side of the Pilates equation is relatively new to Cassandra, and the connections she has made as a former dancer and Stotz Certified Pilates instructor with the physical demands of horsemanship has helped her find that “sweet spot” where passion meets profession.

My object with this appearance is to connect as many people as possible with different kinds of stories and experiences to celebrate (hence the chocolate) all the things that make having a horse in our lives one of the very best things we’ve ever done! I’ll also be in the Equine Network booth in the exhibit hall Friday through Sunday, so please come by and say hi!
Happy Trailering! I look forward to gathering and sharing more great trailering wisdom!

This post was originally published by Equisearch.com

Happy Mother’s Day, Ya’ll!

Happy Mother’s Day, Ya’ll!

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And special props to the lead mare in all of us she’s the keeper of that special instinct we share that helps us:  Smell danger, even when all appears well. Detect any sort of dishonesty, even when delivered with sincerity that fools others. Stop at nothing to get our point across (sometimes just imagining the delivery of a well-timed kick to the ribs as punctuation honors the unflappable guidance our inner lead mare). Defend our young with the ferocity of a grizzly bear, no matter how stupid they’ve been (and then turn around and kick their butts ourselves to make sure they got the point). Forgive purely and completely, and then just go back to grazing. Never hold back on love, affection and commitment to raising our young with everything we know, everything we have and everything we have to give. If you doubt any of this, just find a mare with a young foal, a shady spot a respectful distance away, and pull up a lawn chair. (A cold beverage would be a nice touch.) Watch the interactions between mare and foal. Every flick of an ear, swish of a tail, shift in position means something. At first you may not see it. But keep watching. There is nothing more humbling and inspiring in the world of mothers than watching a mare and foal. It’s the perfect mothering textbook, in my opinion. Tenderness, boundaries, expectations, love, forgiveness, second chances, unflinching devotion, and an occasional swift kick when necessary. So here’s to us, Moms of the world. This is our day. Stop and honor the job we do and take a moment to thank our inner lead mare that shows us the way more often than any of us realize. And now, if you will excuse me, I have some grazing to do. I do believe my herd has arrived with sweet feed.

This post was originally published by Equisearch.com

Time for Tea?

Time for Tea?

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Ok, I admit it. The idea of having tea with my horse made me giggle. After all, the notion of viewing grooming your horse as a Japanese tea ceremony as proposed by Allan J. Hamilton, MD, in his book, Zen Mind, Zen Horse seemed a little over the top at first. After all, I come from a background of “just brush off the part where the saddle goes.” My understanding of grooming got a little more refined watching the folks at Downunder Horsemanship and Hacienda Tres Aguilas, as well as observing the grooming rituals of numerous friends who show. And when researching the Good Horsekeeping chapter of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Midlife Horses, I learned scads about what goes in the grooming box/cabinet and what tasks need to be tended to in taking care of a horse’s coat, hooves, mane and tail. That’s not to say I really do all that stuff, but I do try to brush the whole horse now. And pick his feet before and after I ride. And rinse them off with the hose on hot days after a sweaty ride. Some would call this progress, others would say it’s pampering. Welcome to the wide world of horse experts. But Hamilton’s suggestion takes this well-worn topic to a whole new level. As on of his book’s main tenets, Hamilton advises us to practice being present with our horse. Now, granted, this is not new advice, either, but he offers us here a whole new way to get there beyond “check your life baggage outside the barn door.” Hamilton says that the best way to beckon this sacred “in-the-moment” frame of mind is to create a grooming ritual that reconnects you with your horse. “Lay out your grooming tools and always do the same things in the same order,” he advises, taking time to “put all your love and affection for this animal into each stroke of the brush.” Check out Hamilton’s “tea ceremony” video that made
me want to try this:
After watching this video, I went out and gave it a try with Trace, my hypersensitive “why-are-you-touching-me?!?!” horse. He was big-eyed wary at first (probably assuming I was about to put that dreaded saddle on him), but in spite of himself, he began to relax. By the time we got to the soft finishing brush, his head was down, his eyes were closed, and when he heaved the biggest sigh I’ve ever heard from him, so did I. So put your snickers aside, go assemble your grooming tools, and give this “tea ceremony” thing a try. I can’t wait to hear what happens!

This post was originally published by Equisearch.com